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This year has been very tough on me mentally as I am immigrating to the US which is an incredibly stressful process. As someone who suffers from crippling anxiety already, this extra added stress tipped me over the edge, causing me to become demotivated, sapping all my creativity, which explains the lack of videos this year.
After quitting League to pursue other content I expected overwhelming support from my viewers, but was met with quite the opposite, with a very vocal minority taking the forefront of my comments. Working hard on videos just to have people discredit them because it's not League of Legends content was very hurtful. This only added to draining of my motivation to create.
In a (poor) attempt to address the problem I was seeing, I rushed out another video - "who i am", wherein I had hoped to address this minority to let them know that their attitude is not welcome. However, given that I have Asperger's and find it incredibly difficult to express myself, I was seemingly addressing my ENTIRE fanbase, most of whom, understandably, interpreted the message as something along the lines of "I hate all of you."
This was not the message I wanted to convey, and I am incredibly sorry to all of those who were upset, offended or hurt by this interpretation. I take full responsibility for this. I should not have rushed out the video in anger/frustration, and should have worked on improving the message's clarity to avoid such a thing. I do not expect to regain lost subs/viewers, but that is not my aim here, my aim here is to apologize. Like an argument with a friend, you don't feel right in yourself until you have apologized, and that is how I have been feeling towards all of you ever since I made that video.
I haven't felt comfortable uploading here in 2 months because all my videos since that video have been met negatively, despite all being good content. My Overwatch videos, which were overwhelmingly popular and had incredibly positive like/dislike ratios and feedback originally, fell into shambles after the video - showing that no matter what I was uploading, quality or not, people were only going to hate. However, now that I have apologized and extended an explanation, I hope this attitude falls off, and I hope going forward the content I'm working on will be met with the love and support I've come to take for granted - which I will not take for granted again. I am INCREDIBLY grateful for the ability to be able to earn a living from my passion, and you guys are responsible for a large part of that. I love you guys.
The future of the channel: The speedrun series is coming along so freaking well, unfortunately I doubt I will upload it on YouTube as I want to explore Twitch as a content medium as far as speedrun content is concerned. Don't fret, though, I have a ton of content in the works for this channel - currently I'm working on a League video and an Astroneer video. Thank you for your time.
Music used: https://cocainejesus.bandcamp.com/album/safety